All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France I don't deal well with change. I am very good at making it seem like I do though. I smile, I give great answers to questions but inside I feel like I'm full of eels writhing their worry filled bodies around my internal organs. It's not pleasant and that's putting it mildly! I'm currently in the middle of a spate of changes. I just started a new job (which I love but because there is so much to learn I worry I am not good enough for it) and am about to move into yet another new house (which I am nowhere near ready for!). These two changes have combined forces, like baddies in comic book movies, morphing into one enormous foe that I am desperately battling. Like all battles, there are casualties. Currently I'm on antibiotics for an infection and keep having nosebleeds.....this is NOT fun. My body seems to take change very personally, throwing a hissy fit and giving me all sorts of crap for not being settled and calm. Bastard. One of my biggest hopes is that one day I'll be able to cope with change in a less physical way...it'll just wash over me like a power shower, take away all the shitness and leave me feeling new and refreshed.
After all, in the immortal words of Kim Jong Il......
These memories used to be on walls, on shelves, in eye lines. Wrapped up in last weeks headlines, Deadlines closing in like nets I fret, I fret and then forget where I put this and that and yet.....and yet I hope that when I fish them out there are no chips, No breaks in my precious glimpses back in time, These are mine. These are mine. Dull and divine, no scales to tip the balance of my rememberings, these things are mine to give and take, to feel and hold and place on walls, on shelves, in eye lines.
Today felt like a baking day. Having a look through the limited amount of ingredients I had I thought I'd knock up a version of a St Clements cake. It's something that's usually made around Christmas but I think that citrus flavours are really springy! I've adapted a recipe from The Cranks Cookbook to make a dairy free blood orange, lemon and lime drizzle version (usually St Clements is iced and has buttercream in the middle....had no icing sugar and didn't really want buttercream today!!).
All I can say is that it's damn tasty and took no time at all to knock up! Got to find some folks to share it with now :) I made a wee bit too much syrup with the juice so I've put it in a bottle in the fridge and have found it makes amazing cordial! Bonus!
Lovely bit of Sunday reading in bed...Oh Comely is an old favourite and Cereal is definitely one of my new favourite magazines! This one was the first one out of the box at the brilliant No Guts No Glory (ta Nathan!!!). If you've not read it before I highly recommend finding yourself a copy, making a good cup of tea with a couple of biccys and sitting down for a read....
My plant, which I have affectionately named Geoff after a good friend of mine, is having a baby!! I try my best to be green fingered and it doesn't always work out so I'm really chuffed that I'm taking care of him well :)
I've developed a bit of a thing for wooden brooches....My hello one comes from the lovely Tigerlillyquinn's shop (which has some super lovely things in it!) and the bourbon biscuit was an ebay find :)
I went to Bill's in Exeter the other week for a celebratory dinner and got chatting to the very lovely waitress, Kelly, for a while. She went above and beyond to make sure my dinner experience was great and I can't praise her enough! On my way out of the restaurant she gave me this, a jar of delicious chilli and plum chutney....I was a bit overwhelmed as it was such a kind gesture! So Kelly at Bill's in Exeter, I salute you! Thank you for your kindness :)
I love an honesty box....this one had some amazing little plants, some jam and some chutney and all the proceeds went to various nature related charities....I bought some delicious apple, pear and blackcurrant jam....it's darned good on oaty bread toast!! Hope you had a good week and are looking forward to happy things coming your way next week! xx
I don't like the phrase "life is a journey". I think this might be because it hints at the fact there is a final destination. Of course there is, it's the most obvious outcome in the universe. All things must one day end. My question is, who on earth wants to think about that? I don't. I want to live. I want to do my very best to enjoy each moment I have in my body, in this time, in this world. Life, for everyone, is constantly changing and evolving and becoming something new. Perhaps the newness is not great at the moment but it's transient and something will always come along to take it's place. I've been thinking a lot lately about how I live my life, how I interact with the people who are in it and how I can make the most of everything that comes my way. As such I've come up with some ideas I try my hardest to live by.... Love yourself - after watching a lot of RuPaul's Drag Race I have found the mantra, "If you don't love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?" ringing in my ears. This is because it's TRUE. There have been and still are times in my life where I barely like myself, let alone love. It's a constant battle to keep the demons at bay and find ways of holding on to the things about yourself that you can love. ALWAYS look out for the small things - these are what really make the world go round. A smile from a stranger. Hugging a friend. A humorously shaped vegetable. It's remembering to take the time to fully appreciate the little things that is the difficulty in our fast paced world. I'm getting a lot better at mentally storing them up and using them as a "bank of happiness" when times are rough. STOP! - Stop everything. Even just for a minute. Listen to the sounds, smell the smells, soak up the colours and textures of life happening all around. Maybe it sounds corny and can (on occasion) make you look a bit daft if you suddenly stop in the middle of the street and absorb your surroundings for a whole minute, but it's important. If we never stop how can we process and appreciate things? Ask questions - don't be afraid of questions. Ask them. Ask family. Ask your children. Ask friends. Ask people you meet on your daily commute. Ask a professional. Keep questioning the world around you and learn as much as you can from it. And answer other people's questions too! Keep the curiosity alive! Kindness costs nothing so we can all be rich - being a kind person is one of my highest aspirations. The feeling I get from helping someone else, even in the smallest and stupidest way possible, makes me feel amazing. It's something that I've found starts as a little ripple and can build up to a flood of amazingness. We're all basically trying to do the same things on this planet, why not make it that little bit more shiny in the process? :) I guess what I'm trying to say is that rather than thinking of the whole journey I'm just going to wander my way through each day, deal with each hiccup, bask in each small glory and love the people who are dearest to me. Nuff said really. :)
Leaping between two hands
that are yet to touch,
bridging the gap of what's yours
and what's mine until the
edges become all blurred and beautiful.
It's like looking at flowers through teary eyes,
less solid, less real, more magical.
You said that the magic draws us together,
people, just everyday people living their lives
and waiting for sparks.