Wednesday, 24 October 2012

I want......


I was reading one of my favourite blogs by one of my favourite bloggers, HelloitsGemma, and her latest post really struck a chord with me. It's one of those ones where you get tagged by someone and then they tag other people.....Gemma didn't tag anyone but I thought I'd take up the challenge of putting some of my wants out there..
I've never been very good at getting what I want. Perhaps I'm not confident enough, not focused enough or whatever but it's a pretty hard thing to do. There are barriers that always seem to stand in my way and to be honest I'm not the worlds greatest hurdler! Not that I want anything out of the ordinary......well, a spaceship would be nice......but mostly it's the usual things.....
  • Happiness. Not just for me but for everyone I know and love.
  • Financial stability. That's something I'm yet to experience for longer than about three months. Who knows, maybe one day I'll win the lotto or find a big black bag full of cash on my doorstep. 
  • My own home. I've lived in rented properties since I first left home at 16, not that there is anything wrong with this. It'd just be such a lovely thing to have my own space, a place where I don't have to ask the landlady if I can paint a wall or wonder if the rent is going to jump up suddenly. 
  • To go abroad. I've only ever left the country once, when I was 11 years old. We went to Menorca and stayed in a flat. The swimming pool was good but it rained pretty much the whole time we were there. It would be amazing to experience more of the world as an open minded adult....to a lot of people the fact that I've never been anywhere is a bit of a shock as these days it's more normal for people to go globe trotting. It's just never been possible.
  • To find what it is I really want to do and to bloody well do it. I fear that one is the hardest of all the wants I have. I'm 30.....by now I sort of expected that I'd be in some form of career or have set something up on my own.....instead I've been hopping from job to job with large periods of illness inbetween. My Dad always used to tell me it's great being good at lots of different things but I'm starting to disagree. I'm pretty certain that people who are really really bloody good at one thing find it much easier to focus on that one thing and do it well. I'm sort of good at a few different things but can never seem to pin down one to really go for. Am sure I'm not alone in that though.
  • To be mentally and physically well. I'm working hard on this one :)
There's a whole bunch of other things that I want in my life but next to these ones they seem sort of superfluous.....I know they're not but that's what it feels like sometimes when faced with the more overwhelming ones!

As I'm starting to cope slightly better with my illnesses I'm finding myself thinking more and more about what I want out of life and feel like there's the spark of a little fire in my belly. I'm going to do all that I can to fan that spark and turn it into a fire that will crackle through me and drive me on to hopefully get some of the things on my want list....

I guess that's all that anyone can do.....try hard, live kindly and hope that one day the world will look at you, smile and give you a helping hand :)



1 comment:

  1. firstly thank you for the lovely name check.
    It's amazing how life throws curve balls and we ending up wanting ordinary things - like being well - which you absolutely deserve. The whole work thing is tricky. At 30 I'd never had a job longer than 18 months and decided to retrain it still took me 5 years to find my way. I stuck two jobs with more than a career feel for nearly 10 years and then redundancy ruined everything.
    It's frustrating but it does all come together. hang in there.

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